Cell Block Boogie
by Ivy Jane Backer
Summary: What goes on in Impel Down before Luffy shows up. Total crack fic.


Cell block Boogie

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or "Jailhouse Rock"

Author's note: Set before Luffy broke into Impel Down. This is a complete crack song fic for fun. Could add more if it is well liked, so let me know through likes or reviews if you want me to continue. Otherwise, hope you enjoy!

One would not imagine that being in the highest level prison Impel Down would include an exercise regimen. Let me tell you now, you would be wrong.

It was said to each new prisoner when they arrived, "If you are able," they would say, "then you are to participate in the weekly exercise program whether you like it or not."

Each prisoner would be taken to an empty, yet well guarded, room on their floor on the workout day. Intercoms and security cameras, during this time, were transformed into recording devices. At least one screen in each room would be used to show them which steps they were to take.

They were expected to use the time available in between weeks as a time for practice in their cells. They would learn the steps the week before and next time they were supposed to have the steps well down. Those who were good were settled in the front lines and those who were horrible were kept out of the rooms or pushed toward the back but only after they had learned the steps.

The reason for this was the Warden. He had the brilliant (or stupid) idea to record the finished weeks work performance and sell them to the marines so they could have a few laughs at the prisoner's expense. Think of the comedic gold of watching the most feared pirates being forced to sing and dance! If only he knew what he was starting.

The Warden had asked prisoner number C9915, otherwise known as Bon Clay aka Mr. 2, to lead them through each dance number. Another prisoner with a good musical repertoire was used to teach the singing portion.

Certain prisoners of the previously known secret society Baroque Works, loathed this specific exercise. It had been the Warden's favorite for a while and they were really getting tired of it. None of them had any idea _why _they were being forced into this embarrassing endeavor until some time later.

On level 2, inmate D0464 aka Mr. 3, didn't mind the singing so much as the dancing. He wasn't the most graceful of people. Mr. 1, on level 4, enjoyed nothing except for the fact it got him out of the heat for a while. On the hidden level 5.5, where the prisoner's secret garden was located, those under Ivankov's rule still followed the routine each week. Not only had they found out about the Warden and his video idea (which caused them to laugh uproariously) but they enjoyed it as well. Though they weren't on camera, since they weren't technically prisoners anymore, they would dress up for the occasion and have a party.

A certain disgruntled figure in the level 6 area was extremely unhappy with his predicament. The man, who had a scar lengthwise across his face and a hook for a hand, found nothing, _absolutely nothing_, enjoyable about being forced into this idiocy. Mr. 0, otherwise known as Crocodile, was literally forced to participate. It just so happened that they had a prisoner who had devil fruit powers that used compulsion. He would be thrown into a sea prism stone surrounded room and left with the prisoner so only he would be affected.

On the day of exercise, they were all gathered into their rooms and settled into their places. On screen was Mr. 2, Bon Clay, with a different face on. Black hair that was slicked back and dark eyes looked toward the camera with a slight pulling up of one side of the lips that could be construed as a sneer or tick. His body was more muscular and on it was a one piece white suit that sparkled as he moved.

This face was one that Bon Clay had seen in concert as he was moving through a town on a Baroque Works mission. He had waited until after the concert and talked to the man who had said that after several years of wandering this world he was finally getting used to it. He taught Bon Clay his moves and allowed him to clone his face, "in case of death," he had said. He explained that if he ever died that he wanted Bon to go to random areas and flash his face to make people wonder if he still lived.

So Bon was ready and the singing instructor had helped him teach the others.

"I hope everyone remembers the moves," Bon said into the microphone connected to the intercoms. "Un, Deux, Trois…"

Each voice began at once while feet and hips took up the beat:

The Warden threw a party in the county jail.

The prison band was there and they began to wail.

The band was jumpin' and the joint began to swing.

You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing.

Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Everybody in the whole cell block was dancin' to the jailhouse rock.

Each level now had solo dance moves. Mr. 3 took position with the demonic beasts as his back up dancers.

Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone,

Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone.

The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang.

The whole rhythm section was the purple gang.

Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Everybody in the whole cell block was dancin' to the jailhouse rock.

Daz Bonez took the next verse. Ivankov was busy on level 5.5 grooving to the beat in blue suede shoes.

Number forty-seven said to number three.

"You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see. I sure would be delighted with your company, come on and do the jailhouse rock with me."

Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Everybody in the whole cell block was dancin' to the jailhouse rock.

Bon Clay sang out while twisting and shouting.

The sad sack was sittin' on a block of stone

Way over in the corner weepin' all alone.

The warden said, "Hey, buddy, don't be square. If you can't find a partner use a wooden chair."

Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Everybody in the whole cell block was dancin' to the jailhouse rock.

Crocodile was pondering murder. This farce was by far more irritating than that straw hat Luffy could ever be. Locked into compulsion already by the prisoner with compulsory powers and dressed like a fool, with hair teased into a ridiculous wave, his body was forced into a hip thrusting frenzy. Worse yet, was the fact his outfit matched with that idiot Mr. 2. And out came his voice without his say so:

Shifty Henry said to Bugs, "For Heaven's sake, no one's lookin', now's our chance to make a break."

Bugsy turned to Shifty and he said, "Nix Nix, I wanna stick around a while and get my kicks."

Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Everybody in the whole cell block was dancin' to the jailhouse rock.

As it ended and everyone came to a stop, so to did the recording device of the warden. He was giggling creepily to himself and saying something about "Comic gold" and "so much money."

The prisoners were led back to their cells and to Crocodile's disgust he was left in the outfit and hair and forced to be photographed (to be sold later). After being returned to his cell, Crocodile swore if it was the last thing he did, he would kill that warden for making a fool of him.


End file.
